knockin' on my door

there's a constant knocking on my front door, in tie with a yelling and noise-making and it's damn annoying. been going on for about 20 minutes. fish goes downstairs to have a lookie-lookie through the blinds of the antechamber by the front of the house. he comes back after a moment.
"do we know anyone who looks slightly insane, about 6 feet tall, a bit of a belly, bit of a tan and a receiding hairline?"
I have to think. I could come up with a few answers to this, so I follow him back to that window to check out that eejit outside.
"uh-oh."
"huh," says fish "do you know that person?"
"person, that's saying a bit much."
I lean my chin on fish's shoulder and rub my nose against his ear.
"do something!" demands the fish.
"okayokay!"
I walk to the wardrobe in the hallway and grab the baseball bat my brother has given me for this exact type of moment, walk over to the front door and get said bat in position for a good slug.
"piss off!" I hiss at the eejit outside.
"but but but we're friiiiendssss!"
"naw, we ain't. we haven't been in a while. I got a life now and you piss off and annoy someone else!" I swing the baseball bat horizontally to his hip to try to drive him off the front porch. doesn't result in more than him stepping back a few steps.
I close the door and put the bat back into its wardrobe. walk into the kitchen and get myself a slosh of single malt. it's quiet for about a minute, then the banging on the door continues. fish leans against the doorframe of the kitchen, arms crossed in front of his chest, with a really unhappy look on his forlorn eyes.
"why won't he leave?"
"I don't know, fish. but he will any moment, trust me on that one"
I jump down the stairwell into the basement and open the strongbox with the toys my brother has asked me to keep safe for him there. there's a little safe next to it, which I open as well.
"fish? does it look more like a case for the 12-gauge or for the air rifle?" I call upstairs. I can hear him giggle. I shrug and grab a smallish box with the ammo and hang the 12-gauge over my left ellbow.
"you're joking, right?"
fish can ask an aweful lot of bull. course I'm not.
I stick the first round of slugs in and walk to the front door.
"now whatch this." I tell fish.
I open the door, pull the lever back and aim it right into the eejits face.
"how about you leave now, asshole?"
I can hear him gulp.
"go on, make my day, cunt" I grin. dirty harry, eat yer heart out.
10 seconds later, the front porch is deserted. the wind blows a bulk of prairie grass over the street outside.

I'm almost sorry I didn't shoot him in the face.